Trust

"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing
There is a field.
I’ll meet you there.” - Rumi

I am getting ready for Winter Feast for the Soul "Starting on January 15, 2014 people around the world will join their intentions for personal and planetary peace." "The Winter Feast for the Soul event takes place every January 15th - February 23rd, and unites people in their commitment to a 40 day practice of stillness." It is for people of all faiths the practice, prayers, way you participate is your own.

I am excited because this will be the first time I will be participating in the Open Ceremony which is tomorrow night. And it is the first time, after decades, that I already am meditating daily.

I went to download their free ebook which I have yet to read after several years of participating. I was again excited to find one of my very favorite quotes for many years, the one above by Rumi. Chuckling about how long I have loved this quote, shows me how long I have been struggling with trying to be open-hearted, loving, being for instead of against.

Philosophically, been there for a long, long time. Mentally, emotionally - still a daily, sometimes minute to challenge - Dang people not living my beliefs or behaving according to my standards of the moment or the standards of some book. Which brings me to the memory of teaching one of my healing classes with a training manual I wrote myself.
I received some new information that I had not had time to rewrite for for my manual. When I presented the updated teaching, I had one student who just kept repeating but the manual says. I am still not sure it ever translated in her brain, that I the actual author of those words, that I made a correction myself to my own words. That was a very strange yet telling experience. It still amazes me, she was determined to cling to what was written down. Now, I might just say Wow.

Being open, letting go, being willing to change, having faith, knowing I don't know - still growing and learning how to trust.

I am remembering another quote I loved, resonated deeply, in a book by Lynn Andrews. I don't have it exact, but this is close "Above the path of good and evil lies the truth."

In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel

“Was it hard?" I ask.
Letting go?"
Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real.”
― Lisa Schroeder

For

Today, I am wishing that I learn more deeply to be for what feels right in my heart, mind, body, soul, and learn more deeply to release the need to be against. Period.

 Against seems to come when we experience something we designate as not me or mine - such beauty in differences yet so often we take a step back from difference instead of leaving our hearts open, open to love, learn, share. Being one small human how can I possibly know someone else is wrong in what they are thinking or doing? Truly, where do I think I would get this superpower of knowing all and everything, and thinking I would know better about someone or something else. I will admit to arrogance, not too often, but once in awhile, oh and the need to be right - yep forgetting I am trying to what someone or something else wrong. . . and I probably won't extract myself of this pattern of omniscient delusion anytime soon . . . but maybe once in awhile I might step back, breathe and have a clue that someone might know more about living their own life than I do ( LOL - I could only write might - hey delusions are what they are)

I like the idea of being for something instead of against . . .

“Life is a book and there are a thousand pages I have not yet read.”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Princess

Unclear

I am feeling like have one foot in this song. In my mind, on a scale of 1-10, seems like moving out to be around a 2-3. Right now, it feels like an 11-12. So there is the breadth of my discomfort, and the discrepancy between my logical mind and my emotions. Quite a gap. Surely, I must have a nomad lifetime before, there should be strengths to draw on. People move everyday, through the world on wheels, on feet, by air, land, water. Movement is the life. Breath, blood, even marrow through bones. Even ice crystals forming. Atoms, energy all. Being frozen in place would not be productive.

All of sudden I think of someone I dated who said I sounded like Mr. Data. Well, ok, sometimes. Unfortunately, that piece doesn't rule my nervous system - not sure whether that is good or bad. Neither, I guess.

The Gregorian year 2014 had a very sweet, beautiful beginning. Two women who usually work during the day stayed over to do work on New Year's Eve. They went out of their to include me in their enjoyment in brining in the New year. They set up Martinelli's sparking cider, salami and cheese plate, already so I could just step away from my job temporarily and into the New Year. Such kindness. Equally, a co-worker covered my duties as I shifted my break to join them. They chose the room with view of the fireworks. However the smoke or fog was obscuring all but the very tip of the fireworks. Oh,well.

Then all of sudden someone right below our window set off fireworks that ended up right at the level of our window. We had a magnificent, close-up show.

Best 15 minute New Year's party I have ever tended. Seems so auspicious.

Normally, I work New Year's Day, but this year I requested the day off. That allowed to me accept an invitation to see a friends new home. Beautiful neighborhood. With two other friends, I was treated to a home cooked breakfast the first day of the year. How did I get so lucky? She has a wonderful new home. It was fun to be a guest. And there was even a place nearby to take a walk, a public stormwater retention facility. So I got to continue my journey one day into the New Year.
Moving seems just a hair beyond me, which is likely the point, stretching. I got to play a lot last year all year. And now, it seems I must be serious for at least a little while. So uncomfortable. Unpredictable except for the ending, and the ending is murky, pre-determined but murky to me.

“There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.”   ― Terry Pratchett

Blue Heron -- Sanctus from "Missa Inclina cor meum" by Nicholas Ludford (c.1490 - 1557)

not my typical listening fare, beautiful gentle choral music

 

 

A bit of a stressful day, towards the end I switched a channel on my mp3 player, and enjoyed this piece, along with Mozart and some other rich classical music.