Seasonal Note

My heart is feeling heavy today, not entirely sure why. Perhaps some of it has to do with this happens to be my least part of the year. I fear I have little hope of getting through the "Christmas" season without being abrasive and offending or constantly being offended on a daily basis. Now doesn't that sound like a less than significant personal problem. Yep even to me.

I mean what's so bad about people wishing you Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays all day. Unfortunately, unless I make an extra effort, everything is wrong about it for me. Yes, honestly, I can hear the good intentions, I can hear it makes lots of people happy.

But, I just wasn't raised Christian, and the presumption that everyone celebrates this holiday grates against me. I want to be a kindhearted person, but this time of year just makes me want to be left alone. Normally, it means I try to stay home as much as possible until January. I haven't worked it out this year in my mind yet.

I believe this the 335th consecutive day that I have left my house on my park adventure path. I doubt I have been out of the house that many days in a row in my entire life. Quite an interesting phenomena in and of itself. I can feel my commitment faltering. Even if the journey ended today it has been immensely valuable. Valuable not only the things seen, the joy felt, the curiosity around. I was going to say curiosity satiated. Nope. Still have a storehouse of curious. Valuable in pulling me out of my reclusive shell, out of my patterns into the flow of daily life, community, people, conservations - why I even initiated myself.

And I have been able to tweak a bit of my behavior. Backtracked in the car used to bother me, now not as much as venturing into all these new neighborhoods on my park/garden/trial treasure hunt has generated
a lot of situations where I needed to turn around, go back, try again that day or another day.

And my ability and willingness to traverse hills has improved. Is it an area of comfort no, not at all. However it is more of a choice. Twice this week I went up and down a narrow winding road that I knew was not going to park. I even turned around to go back to one. As I was turning, I asked myself if I must do this, myself said yes. That's a good thing because there was absolutely nowhere to turn around for a long time. I am grateful to make these small stretches into having choice rather than resistant.

I count any improvement in flexibility a good thing. So I shall try to understand that people don't that everyone isn't Christian or participating in this holiday.

On a cool note Thanksgiving and Hanukkah fall on the same day this year I have read this won't happen again for a long time - one article again 57 years, another over 7,000 years. I didn't read closely enough to catch the difference for the longer time quoted in the first article. Do I celebrate Hanukkah, nope -tried it out doesn't call to my soul. Thanksgiving, yes.  I definitely am wanting to give thanks.

May I learn to be kinder, less self-centered. Still my heart feels heavy perhaps there is another unseen reason.

it is the time to
open to the hearts of others
pull off the shell of self
arise in consciousness
not just in their holy days
greet them everyday

Not there yet, someday, trying to grow roots, perhaps then I can flower.

And for my soul I must end on a semi-humorous realistic note.

“...God created the world in six days. On the seventh day, he rested. On the eighth day, he started getting complaints. And it hasn't stopped since.” ― James Scott Bell, Sins of the Fathers

Ah, the universe is going to poke my spirit into a more jovial mood - I am sitting at Third Place Books - whew - not holiday music - big band - how I love this type of music - hmmm - dancers starting up - a rousing rendition of Get Me To The Church On Time. Oh sweet, the next gentleman has never sung this song in public before - Pennies From Heaven.

Thank you, Mom for this wonderful music while I was growing up, and I must go watch the dancers, heck with it being my TV night.