Oh Yes, or Oh No?

Here's an interesting thought as my anxiety is building momentum after notification that remodeling at my apartment complex is engendering a move that I hadn't planned.

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

life shifts to quickly
earth turns to sand
sand blows softly away
what is left -truth

At the moment, I have only knowledge of where I won't live. The ideas about where I will live are about as solid as unsettled jello.

It is an opportunity to release, have faith, trust, etc. I have lived this long - likely I will survive a move of household, right? World not coming to the end that I know of. Simply change, when I chose to be an apartment dweller, I had to know its impermanence.  Yet, I am still shaken by the idea of losing my home. I haven't fairly and deeply embraced as home, but it has been that. I am ever so grateful to have one. So grateful to have a bed, a door that locks, and at least temporarily a private space to walk around in. So what's home anyway?

Back to feeling unsettled, feeling the lack of  family. The thought that no one is obligated by blood or societal convention to take me in or look after me. Yeah, not what I really want anyway. But I miss having the option. Basically, I am scared. I may or may not get over that part. And I know where I won't be living.

“To venture causes anxiety, but not to venture is to lose one's self.... And to venture in the highest is precisely to be conscious of one's self.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

And I am entirely capable of throwing stuff in boxes.  So I shall start with what I can do.