Sunday, February 28, 2010

ruminating on my laundry list of loss
average life with average losses, yet
each one sticks to me in the darkness

“When we suffer anguish we return to early childhood because that is the period in which we first learnt to suffer the experience of total loss. It was more than that. It was the period in which we suffered more total losses than in all the rest of our life put together.” - John Berger

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Perspectives

glancing at grief's silhouette
small far away insignificant
i prefer the dance with denial

"I have a very highly developed sense of denial." - Gwyneth Paltrow

I had three snippets of human interactions that stuck with me from shopping today:

A gentleman speaking to a clerk about stopping by their shop last night at 10pm only to find out they were closed. She replied, "Yes, we close at 9pm, I mean, who in the world would want to buy vitamins at 10 pm at night."

Leaving Fred Meyer's late in evening, the woman in front of me turned around, and told me she just can't believe how they treat people who shop at night, all the good meat was put away, bakery and deli closed. "They are just plain prejudice against people that shop at night."

My favorite a Trader Joe's, my cashier shared her approval of my purchase of 10 fruit bars. She said her friends asked her what the strangest thing she sold a customer. "I told them it's not what they buy, it's number things. Why would anybody need 7 of something, not 8."

Our perspectives are interesting, shifting, not always multi-dimensional.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Paramount, NY, 9:34 A.M.

In the morning tiny bells go off
that alight a darkened path
Reluctant as pinpricks
dawn pierces sleep
with nimble fingers
I am unwoven
      the rich yoke of slumber
      unraveled thread by thread
until I am naked and glistening
standing before the newness
of another day
a tiny form birthed of white linen
and restless dreams

I am reading a book of poems by Jewel called a night without armor. I enjoyed the wording of her poem (above) and how well it painted a picture of arising.

i am not yet talking to my grief
but gently whispering so as not awaken it
from it's solemn slumbering world

Thursday, February 25, 2010

slogging along in the murky darkness
carefully keeping my eyes closed
surely what i can't see isn't there

"She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts".  - George Eliot

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Pondering A Relationship With Grief

"Sorrow you can hold, however desolating, if nobody speaks to you.  If they speak, you break down."   - Bede Jarrett

dancing around the edges of grief
flash frozen and hidden long ago
living memories safely stored in blocks

"It's so curious:  one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief.  But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses."   - Colette

Pondering, still just pondering . . .

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Day 40 - Winter Feast For The Soul

"What nine months does for the embryo
Forty early mornings
Will do for your growing awareness."

- Rumi

newly furrowed soil settles
on the precipice of habit versus change
who knows what may take root

Monday, February 22, 2010

"To be at peace we must first learn to accept ourselves. Coming to peace with who we are, what we have, and what we do is the spiritual basis for the acceptance of others."- Joan Chittister

 restless night of twistings
down psychological alleys
way too many phantom dawns

May we accept the inevitability of change

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Sheila Bender, Writing and Grief

Today, I skipped out of work early because I wanted to meet author Sheila Bender, at Third Place Books, and hear her at talk her new book A New Theology : Turning to Poetry in a Time of Grief : "Poet and essayist Sheila Bender tells how she used writing poetry to find her way out of grief after her son’s death following a snowboarding accident."

She really touched the hearts of many present. Many tears streamed, tissues raised, feelings choking words of thank you, you understand . . . shared grief and realizations.

As she teaches writing, she, also, answered questions and offered tips I hope to make use of. Someone asked about the difficulty of writing so that others understand. The part of the answer I remember was a good one for me. Anyone can write for themselves. When making a connection with a mind and heart outside our own, we have a richer experience. And that is where the craft of writing comes in.

She recommended a book I am looking forward to getting: How To Read A Poem And Fall In Love With It by Edward Hirsch. And checking out her online website, Sheila Bender's Writing It Real.

And after I left her presentation, had my new book signed, I sat down to write a few thoughts on grief and grieving:

sinking down into grief feels like falling into quicksand
it softly swallows all the air around and in you
and, don't scream cause it goes nowhere in the all alone

Yes, I believe I have some writing to do.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

oh i do love sleeping
reveling in all levels of dreams
slowly i stretch to touch morning

"We must move the energy from our heads to our hearts…We can use the practice of deep inner listening to go beyond what our ordinary ears can hear. Back into the reaches of the invisible…To be of ultimate service to the planet we must connect to that innate feminine knowing that teaches us the power of change that comes from being rather than doing.” - Sandra Ingerman

May you enjoy both worlds

Friday, February 19, 2010

wintery morning sun beckons
true to it's offering I feel warmth
nothing sounds better than basking

"Among all his creatures in heaven or earth, God hath not made any like unto the sun in the firmament, the beams whereof are beautiful and pleasant, and do give comfort in all places to all things."  -John Jewel

May you appreciate the warmth and welcome of the morning sun

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Happy Birthday To Me

tis the time to be merry and rejoice
birthdays breezes by the ocean
all the world is surrounding me

"Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we'll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end.” Richard Bach

I understand I share my birthday with Toni Morrison, Helen Gurley Brown, John Travolta, Dr. Dre, Vanna White, Bill Cullen, Yoko Ono, Cybill Shepherd, Molly Ringwald, the artist Louis Comfort Tiffany, and probably a number of the people.

"The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.” Pope Paul VI

"All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.” - George Harrison

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

poor poemless Tuesday
lost to a technological flurry
stuffed precariously into the silence

“Unless I accept my virtues, I most certainly will be overwhelmed by my faults" - Robert Coleman.

I said to my heart,
“How, my heart, can you be so crazy
As to swerve from the service
Of the one you bless?”
My heart replied,
“It is you who are mad to see me wrongly.
I am always in His service.
It is you that stray.” 

From A Year With Rumi
By Andrew Harvey

May you notice all shades of the truth

Monday, February 15, 2010

Change

 “A man can never hope to be more than he is if he is not first honest about what he isn’t.” - Don Williams, Jr.

infiltration of healthy activity
brings increase exposure to daylight
the perils of minimal change

May your changes be easy
On this President's day, here are a few of my favorite Abraham Lincoln quotes:

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Whatever you are, be a good one.
Sweet, beautiful rendition of the Lord's Prayer in Aramaic by IndiaJiva

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day To All

Lo, I am with you always means
when you look for God,
God is in the look in your eye,
In the thought of looking,
nearer to you than your self,
or things that have happened to you.
There’s no need to go outside.

- Rumi

i behold you in the liquid skies
you sing through my bone and spirit
you are who i am

May you let love touch you

Happy New Year - Year of The Tiger

Chinese New Year - Year of the Tiger by Jac Chebatoris  article I enjoyed from tonic.com:

"Do you think there is any chance that Tiger Woods will appreciate, at all, the irony that the Chinese New Year falls on the same day as Valentine's Day this year, and that it's the ... wait for it ... Year of the Tiger?
The good news for Woods is that it could mean things are looking up for him after the beleaguered last days in the Year of the Ox, which (according to the breakdown of the 12 Chinese Zodiac) was a symbol signifying a lot of hard work for everyone in the past year. (The word "recession" comes to mind, no?)
So just what does the Year of the Tiger mean for us all, even if we're not the eponymously-named superstar golfer hoping for a personal redemption of our own?
If nothing else, the fact that the holidays are falling on the same day (which has only happened three times since 1900) means that there is twice as much to celebrate! Abhor hearts and chocolate? Hey, make yourself some dumplings and noodles because you can celebrate the Lunar New Year instead of going out/staying in with someone special/a pint of Ben & Jerry's in the name of Cupid's Big Event.
Or, say, if your normally scheduled December 31 New Year's was a bust, here's your chance to do it all over again in an honorary way.
Here are a few ideas on how to get it started off right:
Have some noodles, but in keeping with Asian good luck tradition, don't let the first strand break before it is all the way in your mouth. A challenge, yes, but worth it for the auspicious groundwork you'll no doubt lay. (Cutting the noodle is bad luck because long noodles symbolize longevity.)
Wear red! It's not only the color of power and passion (which the Tiger apparently symbolizes), but is the ultimate hue of V-Day. And for the Chinese New Year, it's also the color of wealth and good luck, and royalty.
Have some citrus fruits. They represent the good luck and fortune you'll have for the next 12 months, and hey, it can't hurt to get some vitamin C into you either, right?
Go to the parades. If you're lucky enough to live in city that has a Chinatown like New York City, San Francisco (the largest Chinatown outside of Asia), or Atlanta, go check out the elaborate parades to celebrate the festive, fresh new start. Sure beats renting Sleepless in Seattle. Again. Or berating your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/significant someone over who was supposed to have made the Valentine's Day dinner reservations this year. Again.

Here's what ExploreChinatown.com has to say about people who are Tigers:
People born during the Year of the Tiger (1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010) are said to be courageous and to possess hidden reserves of strength. They are also thought of as candid yet mysterious. Famous people born in the Year of the Tiger include Marilyn Monroe, Stevie Wonder and Tom Cruise

Whenever you celebrate may your New Year be blessed with health, prosperity, love and wonderment

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Winter Feast Reflection

Day 30

It has been said there are three kinds of awakening. There is the waking up that occurs when an individual wakes up from a long night's sleep.

There is the awakening that occurs when an individual makes his transition and discovers that there is no death. And then, there is the most important waking up, the waking up that occurs when an individual realizes that they have never been born and will never die, that they are an eternal, immortal being.

Michael Bernard Beckwith

Friday, February 12, 2010

athleticism wandered to our neighbor's door
many journeys linked to ancient flame
may competition intertwine with celebration

“For too long the world has failed to recognise that the Olympic Games and the Olympic Movement are about fine athletics and fine art.” - Avery Brundage

Winter Feast - Day 29

To discover god
is not to discover an idea
but to discover oneself.

It is to awaken
to that part of one's existence
which has been hidden from sight
and which one has refused to recognize.

The discovery may be very painful;
it is like going through
a kind of death.

But it is the one thing
Which makes life
Worth living.

Bede Griffiths Awakening

Happy Maha Shivaratri 2010 - Om Namah Shivaya

This year Shivaratri is on February 12, i.e. today

Information from rudraksha-ratna.com & mahashivratri.org:

Shivaratri is celebrated on the 6th  night of the dark Phalgun (Feb or March) every year. On the auspicious day, devotees observe fast and keep vigil all night. Mahashivaratri marks the night when Lord Shiva performed the 'Tandava' the dance of primordial creation, preservation and destruction. It is also believed that on this day Lord Shiva was married to Parvati Ma. On this day Shiva devotees observe fast and offer fruits, flowers and bel leaves on Shiva Linga.

People repeat the Panchakshara Mantra - Om Namah Shivaya - as it is said he who utters the Names of Shiva during Shivaratri, with perfect devotion and concentration, is freed from all sins. He reaches the abode of Shiva and lives there happily. He is liberated from the wheel of births and deaths. Many pilgrims flock to the places where there are Shiva temples.

May the blessings of Lord Shiva be with you

Om Namah Shivaya

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Rest Well

holy vessel of dreams
chamber of rejuvenation
rectangle for rest, my bed

And if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.
~D.H. Lawrence

May you rest well

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

"So much has been said and sung of beautiful young girls, why don't somebody wake up to the beauty of old women?" - Harriet Beecher Stow

heartfelt concern
sweet camaraderie
deep changes to come

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Here I Go

I have been pondering making some changes, life style changes. Well, ok, I am thinking about losing weight. I think I like the phrase lowering my weight best. Like I said pondering. Not as mobile as I once was, I am hoping, no, planning on improving my agility.

I am pleased that I am successfully keeping my commitment to the 40 Winter Feast For the Soul. I am on day 26. I have followed through with doing meditation, exercise and a writing practice daily. Other than having to eat a few lunches in the car on the way to work instead at home, it has taken far less effort and time than I imagined. So, it seems like a good time to go the positive flow and "lighten" up.

As I thoroughly enjoy food and intend to continue to do so, strange and restrictive diets are out. So say I while sipping my coconut milk hot organic cocoa with some Peruvian maca root. Some nights I take my cocoa with heavy cream, and that won't change.

Sustainable, minimal, easy changes. Have to be practical. There would be no sense in me counting carbs, calories or eating only high protein. If it isn't easy, I won't stick with it.

I found a wonderful series of free podcasts (105 episodes to date) by Renee Stephens for a program called Inside Out Weight Loss at PersonalLifeMedia.com. She started at the perfect place for me, the question are you motivated to lose weight?.

And she went onto to the subject of motivation. When she reminded me of the words from my friend Jan, I figured I was on the right track. Renee spoke of the importance of having two types of motion in creating change: away from and towards.

And, Renee, also, spoke words pleasing to this night person: That is it a myth that you will gain late if you eat late a night. She backed up her statement by sharing that when she lived in Spain (where people were much slimmer than in the U.S.) dinner at 11 pm was not unusual. Bless you.

I have finished and enjoyed 8 of the podcasts. I love her minimal coverage of food since food really isn't the issue. She suggests you don't to eat food full of unpronounceables as the body doesn't know what to do with. Stay away from high fructose corn syrup with it's 100 year shelf life as studies have shown it interferes with the body's ability to determine when it is full or hungry. Stay after from transfats.

Am I motivated lower my weight? Yes. Right now, I have set a moderate goal to lower my weight by 10 pounds by May 23 (which is when I get to go to a meditation class with Karunamayi). I, also, made a commitment with my friend Sue as a witness that I will continue my daily meditations until that date.

I held my breath, weighed myself, and sighed with relief that I am already below my highest weight by at least 10 pounds. Whew. I wasn't sure. It shouldn't matter. Yet, psuchologically it was a boost.

Well, wish me luck, fortitude, grace or anything else positive you go can think of. I am inspired and know the quality of my life is improving whether I lower my weight or not. But, it sure would be nice to stay out longer when I go shopping . . . Oh, yeah, take a few walks on the beach.

Time for me to pop over to Trader Joe's before NCIS comes on.

May you have luck accompany on your journey

hail cheerleading affirmations
shifting the light onto a new path
sliding into a new groove

Monday, February 8, 2010

Waiting

wrestling with impatience
waiting to luxuriate
um,ready, three days off

Now time for dinner so:

O Lord, who clothes the lilies

And feeds the birds of the sky,

Who leads the lambs to pasture

And the deer to the waterside,

Who has multiplied loaves and fishes

And converted water to wine,

O Lord, come to our table,

As guest and giver, to dine. Amen.
 
May you enjoy the wait

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Memory

"I have explained in vain that there is no such thing as absolute truth, that everything passes through the filter of the observer. Memory is fragile and capricious; each of us remembers and forgets according to what is convenient. The past is a notebook with many leaves on which we jot down our lives with ink that changes according to our state of mind." - Isabel Allende, Zorro

touching past memories
sound of her voice
resonates in my heart

May you enjoy your memories

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Allowing Love

"Your task is not to seek for Love,
But merely to seek and find
All the barriers within yourself
That you have built against it."

Jelaluddin Rumi

From eastwestbookshop.com:

Sara Wiseman, author of Writing the Divine: How to Use Channeling for Soul Growth & Healing , experienced a spiritual awakening in 2008, when she received The 33 Lessons via channeled writing—a collection of spiritual teachings which begin “The purpose of life is soul growth.”

I went to see Sara last night. I enjoyed her honest sharing about being a Catholic Soccer mom with no interest in the New Age Movement or metaphysical things when her life took an unexpected turn.

She shared that she was at home recovering from a divorce when she saw a man walking up to her door. She fully intended to ignore him when instead of knocking at the door he walked right through it, over to her and indicated he had some things to tell her. She took down information like taking dictation.

I do love good stories even true ones.

It was an interesting talk, sharing, connecting, and meditation. However, my favorite part was just a sidebar. Sara asked how many people in the room belonged to or followed a religion. She was stunned when not one person raised their hand. I was a little surprised myself, but I was gratified to be in a room full of people who don't feel called to any one path. It was a different type of belonging.

open hearts different paths
communal awareness
the greater good is love

May we allow more love into our lives

Friday, February 5, 2010

building constructs for success
contemplating transformation
a peaceful creative flow

From the site worldprayers.org:

Children, everybody, here's what to do during war:

In a time of destruction, create something.
A poem.
A parade.
A community.
A school.
A vow.
A moral principle.
One peaceful moment.

the fifth book of peace - maxine hong kingston - 2003

May you create something you enjoy

Thursday, February 4, 2010

The Gift

the box sits dressed with it's ribbons
waiting to be welcomed into my life
come here my beautiful present

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” - Albert Einstein

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Welcome Sleep

“I wasn’t really asleep I was just meditating on unconsciousness.” - Anonymous

tired tumbling
into a warm bed
to welcome dreams

“(On sleep) Is it just the interval of life rudely interrupted by the static of having to please the boss at home or the one at the office or is it the waking state of cosmic beings where consciousness is just a human invention?” - Martin Dansky

May you enjoy your dreams

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

French Candlemas - La Chandeleur - Crêpe Day

hail to sweet filled treat
awesome golden brown
rolled into a gourmet bite






A pancake quote (found on goodreads.com) from a movie I enjoyed:

"Dr. Jules Hilbert: Hell Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted.

Harold Crick: What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to eat nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?

Dr. Jules Hilbert: Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that that answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led... and, of course, the quality of the pancakes. "
— Zach Helm (Stranger Than Fiction: The Shooting Script)


From the site french.about.com:

The Catholic holiday of Candlemas, on 2 February, is a feast to commemorate the purification of the Virgin Mary and the presentation of baby Jesus. In France, this holiday is called la Chandeleur, Fête de la Lumière,* or jour des crêpes.

Not only do the French eat a lot of crêpes on Chandeleur, but they also do a bit of fortune telling while making them. It is traditional to hold a coin in your writing hand and a crêpe pan in the other, and flip the crêpe into the air. If you manage to catch the crêpe in the pan, your family will be prosperous for the rest of the year.

À la Chandeleur, l'hiver cesse ou reprend vigueur
On Candlemas, winter ends or strengthens

Since I am partial to good food like Crêpe Day or Groundhog Day. Sounds like I ought to visit the International House of Pancakes Today.

May you enjoy the grains of the field

Monday, February 1, 2010

Imbolc

Information below is from the Diversity Calendar of Kansas Medical Center (I was glad to see the honoring of different traditions on this site - a good sign)

Imbolc (Wiccan) - Northern Hemisphere

Imbolc ("IM-bulk") is an ancient festival generally celebrated on January 31, February 1, or February 2. It is also known as Candlemas, Brighid ("breed"), and Oimelc ("EE-mulk") which means ewe's milk. Imbolc is a Greater Sabbat in the Wiccan year.

The celebration signals the middle of the season of long nights and anticipates the upcoming season of light. Celebrants make Corn Maidens from corn and wheat. The Maidens are dressed up and placed in a cradle known as a "Bride's Bed". A wand, usually tipped with an acorn or other large seed, is placed in the bed with the Maiden. The Maidens are generally kept year round as a symbol of fertility.

Other interrelated interpretations of the festival center around the Irish Goddess Brighid, known for her healing, smithcraft, and poetry gifts. Additional interpretations revolve around the birth of lambs and the lactation of the ewes. Still others celebrate Imbolc as the recovery of the Earth Goddess after giving birth to the Sun God.
engrossed in the details
gratified by minutiae
following their tracks

"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer." - Albert Einstein