Softly Slowly Amma Please

Time to re-post one of my very favorite quotes

“I feel the same way about solitude as some people feel about the blessing of the church. It's the light of grace for me. I never close my door behind me without the awareness that I am carrying out an act of mercy toward myself.” –Peter Høeg, Smilla's Sense of Snow ...

Been a long time sense I had been up 24 hours straight, life with Ammachi full blown. Heart opening absolute bone level joy to watching a heart wretching scene.

My first attempt at an Irish jig, or something like that. I don't remember having awesome Celtic music before.

Making it to one of my favorite parts of the program the end (and without falling asleep once), deliciously happy, tired, being showered in flower petals by Ammachi; silly tired trying to think clearly if the flower petals I caught were red purple tones or blue purple tones, since a lot were yellowish with colored edges after awhile twas too challenging for this child.

Memories drifting in. Wondering is Ammachi is having me do some kind of life review, or just the exhaustion releases the walls held in place by fear. Surely Ammachi would know if this is a red purple.
Hmmm.

Remembering a blessing & a curse. Do I really have to revisit so much to heal my soul. Heck I am not even sure why a soul would need to heal. However, persons do. Remembering things I wish I could shove back in, wondering how I could have forgotten in the first place.

Thinking of saying something to Jan a couple times, and her saying you never told me that before. Guessing, there is a lot I have never told before, guessing I may never.

Remembering the stupidity and bravery of my youth. Letting the woman I extracted out of a domestic
violence situation talk me into taking her back for her purse. So terribly stupid, so terribly stupid. I just didn't know how to say know with her heart ripped wide open. So stupid, the brave one, the volunteer, I'll get her. But we don't even know anything about the situation, her abuser, we think it maybe her husband.

I said I'll go. For godsake (hey maybe it was for Godsake - never thought about it), we know she needs help. I'll go. "But", but I am gone.

Turning the corner, the last thing she says, "maybe I should tell you my husband is a police officer,
and has a gun."

Tired, so good I actually have all the quotes I want to use right here. Posting them again is right for me.

“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.”
-- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things that time can not mend. Some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold.”

And when my eyes last looked  at the woman above, she was still alive . . . I prefer to live the story that way.

Old Bilbo: My dear Frodo, you asked me once if I had told you everything there was to know about my adventures. Well, I can honestly say I've told you the truth, I may not have told you all of it.