Still With Ammas' Magic

I woke  up to the radio voice saying, just text: karma, that's k-a-r-m-a

Hmmm.

Still in the throes of Ammachi's visit, and the stories, memories that were knocked loose.
It was a seemingly odd year. I crossed paths with none of the people I normally do.
At lot more time for contemplation, burning the dross away.

I did have a few conversations with strangers. A woman who brought friends for their first time. We were remembering multiple Ammachi stories.

I often tell my favorite of having fallen sound asleep on the floor, apparently sleep through the end of the program. Only to wake up to Ammachi her very self, with entourage behind her, standing over me "Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up" She chanted over me. That was a long time ago. In today's language OMG.

Caught between being sound, sound sleep; horribly embarrassed; amazed that Amma herself was inches from me. Then there was the fact she was literally waiting for me to get it, and stand up.
Well, Amma, I might be waking up now. But I am a dreamer after all.

I am having or dreamt this image of Amma Karunamayi gently tapping the karmic shell I have been
living in, with crack showing, sending a sweet angel to help open it wider. (I have been a hard one to crack as well.) Open just enough for Ammachi in her Kali mode to cook the contents. Esoteric language references I know.

Inquired of a co-workers beliefs, she replied agnostic. My immediate response, "That's a wisdom position." Someone else was very surprised at my response. My dad was an agnostic. I, certainly, have been one. How can you know what you do not know? Is blind faith better than inquiring mind.

Briefly, wondered what changed for me. At work, no time to wander down that path.

Now, tying it back to Ammachi. I left the program stirred. I headed for my park of the day before going home to sleep.

As the car stopped, standing to start my walk, and eagle swooped down. Wow, how beautiful. What a gift. I watched for awhile as the eagle soared overheard, never managed a picture.

Then, I remembered the spot I was standing on when I had a change of mind about "God". I was with Sun Bear at a native type gathering. We were in a circle outside in a clearing in a forest. Sunbear started prayers to the great spirit. I don't actually remember the word he used to designate the creator. What I remember was how still and quiet it was. Yet, when he called to the spirits of the wind, the wind came up.

How could he do that. The prayers continued. When he prayed to the Eagle Spirit, and we all watched an eagle come as a speck from far, far away. It was the last sign I would take, there was undoubtedly a larger force at work in this universe. I was standing in the southwest corner of the wheel.

There is such an intricate web to our existence.

In the last analysis, the individual person is responsible for living his own life and for 'finding himself.' If he persists in shifting his responsibility to somebody else, he fails to find out the meaning of his own existence. Thomas Merton 

Yes, I am responsible. Yet ever so grateful for help and mercy in all the ways it appears in my life.