Grateful

Grateful for the many blessings of great, good, loving friends, tender hearts of passing strangers, moments of shared compassion, joy, grief, anger at injustice - moments we actually touch each other, and the wisdom, strength, compassion of co-workers.

Like everyone, yes like everyone, I have had my struggles, times life has caught me unaware, times someone attributes interesting motives to my behavior or my lack of skill, lack of awareness. I am so so so far from be being perfect, I can be given to moments of arrogance, too much self-absorption (my only child status at work?).

However, I, also, claim trying to better myself, trying to grab hold of kindness, and hold it closer each day. Never a fan of the don't try, just do it. All I can do is try. No more.

 And try I shall, and do so until I can go no further up against the wall of my ability, ignorance or lack of understanding.

 Do I just give up sometimes, yep, sometimes. Sometimes I have to stop. Sometimes I have to patch the holes caused by misunderstanding. Sometimes I just have breakdown and cry, shake my head and wonder. Part of the human experience is it not.

Hardened hearts scraping tender souls. I believe I have been on both sides of that equation. "Lord. make me an instrument of thy peace." Please, please.

So I am guessing I still need the mirrors of the inconsiderate, the accusing, the jumping to unwarranted conclusions. Not only do I need this to help break open my heart, but to flash before me my own ignorance when I act in the same manner.

How can you really know all that lies behind an "inconsiderate" action, what fear, what world, what worries. How can you know that the person who bumped you aside had a sick child or something compelling on their mind. Why attribute it to rudeness? Reflex action.

Oh, god, please help me make my reflex action be kindness. Maybe, just maybe that is what you have been trying to do. If so, I am grateful. If not, I am grateful.

(But God, on a TV side note, very disappointing to have this be the week they captured John, and he didn't get away. Very disappointing. That kind of week I guess. Still grateful though, very grateful.)