Type 4 & My Past

“It was like we were exchanging codes, on how to be a father and a daughter, like we'd read about it in a manual, translated from another language, and were doing our best with what we could understand.”
-- Aimee Bender, The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake

Type 4 Enneagram
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/TypeFourOverview.asp#.UbK-g6x_7Ks

Parental Orientation

Fours are disconnected from both parents. As children, they did not identify with either their mothers or their fathers. ("I am not like my mother; I am not like my father.") They may have had either unhappy or solitary childhoods as a result of their parents' marital problems, divorce, illness, or simply because of personality conflicts within the family.

Yes, we had a rift in our family that problem caused a disconnect.

One day my father just didn't come home. I only know by the story. I have memories of my grandmother taking care of me. My mother dating a sailor
named Tim. But he came back, my dad.

I only know the story, I can't even remember who told me, so odd I am thinking now. Like my grandmother (Nana, mom's mom). The story somewhere around the time I was 2 or 3 without any warning my dad just didn't come. Disappeared out of our lives. I never even really stopped until right now to think about how devasting it must have been for my mother. Funny guess I haven't really wanted to think about much at all. It sure could explain a very strained relationship I felt in the middle of all my young life.

What happened I never heard from my dad ever, at all. What I heard was that he lost his job and just decided not to come home. Is that it, was that it. Why did he come back. I sensed he loved me, but he was clear about never really wanting kids. I remember his explosive temper, no warning. I remember my nother standing between he and I protecting me, and sometimes not being able to protect me from his temper. I remember her trying. The tide of his rage just went to high and deep.

I, also, remember he drew the best teddy bears on my thumbnails, how I loved that. The one thing I could sit still for.

Hmmm. Why did he come back. I don't know. Maybe he had nowhere else to go.

I never felt they should have stayed together, but they did, right until the end.