Interesting Confusions

My question arising from today's meditation was "Why would you want to chose being close to "God" over being closer to your own self, your own soul?  Hmmm, of yeah. Huh, I do not know.
Some part of my brain/ego asked in such a flat tone "Is this some sort of epiphany". The reply sounded vaguely like "Not yet" And the whole moved from a quiet meditation to me busting out laughing.  . . the beginning of my day.

Well, I so wanted to remain home tonight. However, that nagging feeling that should be going out remained. Well, there was someone speaking at East West Bookshop that like but at sure I felt called to see. Ok, I give, and I went.

Surprise, did something I am not sure I have ever done, showed up for the "wrong" class. My clue was when the woman asked me if I wanted to get a copy of the book, too. But Lauren hasn't written a book. . .

So where did I end up seeing Sue Frederick talking about Healing From Grief. Yes, there was a deep sense of being in the right place. A short time into the talk she mentioned seeing one of the Lakota Elders, minutes late she mentioned knowing author I like, responded with deep compassion to a raw, grieving soul.

So I decided to attend her workshop tomorrow though I will have to leave early . . . I asked her if I could attended, leave early without disturbing the process for others. Well, the answer was yes, and she will be sure to work with me personally before I leave. (Ah, mmm, I was just coming to listen to this one)

I don't feel that I have suffered more losses than most of my friends, actually far less. One expects in this society that one's pets, one's parents, one's grandparents will likely die.  Mine have. The unexpected death of a friend, and one of a co-work came to mind. Yet, there is still a heaviness there.
Regardless, it appears this is where I need to go, a place I am called to be.

Just because it was a day for shifts, the last one happened at Whole Foods. If you told any of my friends you were going to invite my over for a salmon dinner, they might kindly tell you I don't eat fish. Pretty, I would tell you I can't tolerate eating fish.

So the internal urging to peruse the fish section, sigh, bought an I don't think so. Neither did I appreciate the urging to have some fish for dinner. However, there I was in the fish section,
purchased some maple syrup smoked salmon chunks. But this doesn't mean you are getting me to eat them for dinner.

Oh, holy cow or holy fish - this has never happened either. They packed the dinner I got from the hot bar, the not fish what I want to eat dinner, in the bottom of one of my bags of groceries. They always ask, and I normally grab it aside. Where was I when this happened. We didn't even know which bag it was in. Bet you can guess what was in plain sight at the top of the first bag.

Though they may not ever be my first choice for dinner, the salmon chunks were good enough I could eat them again. And indeed, they seemed to be what my body wanted.

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”  John Green