keeping my own heart open
so needing a vessel for their stories
bravely offering their truths

radio this morning - hold me close and try to understand

thinking of

the one who threatened to kill me so seriously I shivered, she bared her heart more than she meant,
but I, also, remember her searing hug filled with love of her own self for that deep moment.

Funny, but she wouldn't have believed I always knew she would make it; strong to the core that one

oh, and I could never, never, never forgot you, K. Standing toe to toe with me relentless in extracting a promise of from me to finish graduate school. Lady, you were so fierce in your faith in me. Or just desperate not to be alone. What did you see?  You claiming you were just so fed up with stupid doctors, nurses, and therapists. Lord,  she was worlds above me in IQ, not about me, she was just brilliant. So brilliant. So frustrated at not being seen or heard, no one big enough to hold her truths. Tired of holding them alone. So not wanting to be alone in her brilliance. People missed how much she saw.  And she simply scared them with her honesty and lack of filtering.

Well, K, thank you, I did finish grad school. Funny, how you never really who is healing who sometimes.
Had I shared my personal struggle with her, I didn't think so. "Why aren't you a  full fledged therapist,  yet?" "No you are going have to explain it to me or the session is over, not to be rude or evasive, but  I want to know?" Well, just haven't graduate school, yet. Never should have claimed that as my only reason.

radio now - funny your the broken one, but I am the only one that needed saving

she held out her whole heart
so tentatively so slowly
she was so very brave

remembering the kid who spit on me over and over, colleagues upset at me for not "handling" her (room restriction, take her privileges, Lynn do something - was doing something).

she spit on me until she was sure, sure I would not run away. She just needed to know I would be there.
I held her close in my heart. I just now remembered how she came to get closer towards the end, she started think she must not being hitting me. We got to laugh about it later. She remembered me telling her softly it was ok I wouldn't melt  . . .
Then she could release her real tears. That one made it, mom. I know that one made it.

I have not put down your stories, sacred trusts every one, and I will gratefully carry them. How deeply you honored me with all you had. Just need to hold pieces of them to the light.remember the smooth sides, the sharp edges, the holes clear through, and making I am only making room for the beautiful new stories.